So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
