So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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