11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i wish my penis had a tongue
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
