i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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