Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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