I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
