I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
