elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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