I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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