This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
