I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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