I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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