just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
