I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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