I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
