wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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