ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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