dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
