Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
