just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
