I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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