No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
