Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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