Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
