Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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