There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
