it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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