I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yo dont text me then not text me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
