DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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