splinters make it hard to masturbate
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
