You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
