i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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