i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
