Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
