I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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