i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
