My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
