My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
