i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
