Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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