Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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