I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
