Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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