Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
