Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
