After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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