You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
