I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
