I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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