the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
