He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
