So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize