it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
