I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
