I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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