Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I could fuck to npr.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
