and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
