just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
