You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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