It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
