i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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