God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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