On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
