I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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