Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
