I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
