census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize