why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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