Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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