Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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