3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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