she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
