He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
