just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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