Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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