You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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