I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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