you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I touched a dick in church today
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
