brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
